Referral failure: it doesn't mean you're unworthy

If you're uncomfortable about asking for referrals, does that mean that somewhere, deep down inside, you know you don't really deserve them? 

That's what Bill Bachrach asserts in his article "A Boomer-Smart Business" in the March issue of Advising Boomers magazine. He writes:

If you’re great at what you do, you won’t be uncomfortable asking people to introduce you to others. You’d never hear someone say, “I’m a great pilot, but I wouldn’t want to ask anybody to fly with me.”

With respect to Mr. Bachrach, I have to disagree with this premise that advisors are reluctant to ask for referrals because on some level they know they're not really referable.

The truth is that some of the best performing, most client-service-oriented and most conscientious advisors in the business feel extreme discomfort about asking for referrals.   

It's not because they doubt their ability as advisors—not on any level.   In fact, they have the opposite problem. They consider themselves to be professionals of the highest caliber, and they mistakenly view asking for referrals as unprofessional and "salesy." They're afraid that asking will make a poor impression on their clients.

It's that erroneous belief—the idea that asking for referrals is somehow beneath an advisor or will make clients uncomfortable—that prevents most advisors from being more proactive about referral marketing.  Fortunately, these referral fears are unfounded and relatively easy to eradicate.

Is it possible that you're afraid to ask for referrals because on some level you're not fully confident in your abilities, or suspect you're not giving your clients all the attention they deserve?  Sure, it's possible.   It's also possible, and much more likely, that you're a very good or even exceptional advisor who doesn't realize how much you do for your clients and how much they value you. 

If asking for referrals makes you anxious, you owe it to yourself to take an honest and objective look at your skills, your practice, and your client relationships.  If something does need improvement, you can get to work.  And if you're already pleasing your clients more than you've been giving yourself credit for, you can start trusting those relationships and making the most of them. The truth—whatever it may be—will set you free.

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Comments

[David Maister]

The trouble with asking for a referral is that it's too big a "leap" or jump at one time - reltionships must be built by going through gentle steps.

In my own practice, I am intimidated in asking for the "big" favor of a referral, but find it quite comfortable to ask someone if they would be a reference for me if someone wanted to check my past performance. That's a smaller favor to ask for, and few satisfied clients say "no."

And, I find, once they are my reference, it is an easier step for them and for me, to start referring me.

Realtionships need to be romancing, not frontal assaults!

[Miriam Lawrence]

You're absolutely right, David. Relationships must be built through gentle steps. Your method is a valid way of building up one's comfort level, especially with a newer client where a full and trusting relationship has not yet been established.

And, at some point in a growing romance, someone's got to step forward and initiate the first kiss--at the right time, of course. There is such a thing as being overly cautious or lacking confidence and waiting longer than the evolving relationship demands.

We often find that advisors are oblivious to their own value. They have trouble seeing themselves from their clients' point of view, and realizing that their clients would be more than happy to introduce them to others.

Once a relationship is authentic, solid, and trusting, mindset is the only thing holding most advisors back.

Thanks for the comments, David. Keep 'em coming!