Don't let self-limiting thoughts wreck your referrals

Gail, a regional advisor from Texas, wrote in to tell us that even after 20 years in the business and despite being a big producer, she still finds that asking for referrals is her greatest business development challenge.  She says she's concerned that "my clients will wonder why I'm asking at this point in my career."

We all worry from time to time (some of us more often than others) that people are thinking negatively or critically about us.  And certainly, it's good to be aware of how others might perceive us, to ensure that we don't do anything truly foolish or destructive.  But most of the time, we're projecting critical thoughts onto others, thoughts that are exaggerated or just plain fiction.  And those thoughts hold us back in unhealthy ways.

This is a common problem with advisors where referrals are concerned, and it's the problem Gail is having. She's got this idea that there's something inappropriate about a successful advisor needing to generate new business, and she's projecting that idea onto her clients.  It's problematic enough that the idea itself is flawed... but attributing it to clients makes it doubly dangerous.

Whenever we make an assumption about what other people are thinking or feeling, we should stop and examine it objectively.  (You'll find this works especially well with spouses!) Often, when we expose our assumptions to air and light, we're able to see their weaknesses and strip them of their power. 

So let's examine Gail's assumption.  Think of some high-end, successful industry icons.  Bill Gates and Microsoft, perhaps. Saks Fifth Avenue.  Mercedes.   When you see an ad for one of their products or services, do you think to yourself, "Wow, I can't believe they're still trying to get new customers?! I mean, they're so successful, and they've been around for so long..."

Of course not. 

Or let's look at it another way.  Do you assume your attorney or your accountant will never need another client again? Or if you needed back surgery and called the office of the most brilliant and sought-after orthopedic surgeon in your state to get a consultation, would you expect the receptionist to tell you to take a hike because the doctor is just too successful to take on any new patients? 

You see where I'm going here.  99.9% of clients are neither surprised nor concerned that their advisor is interested in or willing to accept new clients.  Most clients probably don't give much thought to their advisor's other client relationships or business development situation at all. Why should they? It's not their job, just as it isn't your job to wonder whether your dentist's practice is thriving or not.  But to the extent that they do give it any thought, your desire to take on new clients has no bearing whatsoever on your quality or professionalism. 

In fact, if you ask the right way, you can actually reinforce your exclusivity and make your clients feel like members of a small and elite club.  This is a secondary issue for Gail, who says, "I especially want to emphasize that I'm only looking for million-plus dollar accounts without sounding snobby."  She can play that up in the way she phrases her referral discussions.

If Gail uses network mapping to pre-identify prospects or prospect types in her clients' circles who are likely to be qualified to do business with her, she can ask for introductions to those people in a way that reinforces just how successful she is.  "John, I know you're on the board of the Houston Advertising Federation. I believe Kim Phillips is also on the board?  She's one of a select group of ad execs in the area whom I've been focused on meeting over the past few years. What would you think about the three of us having lunch sometime next month, on me?" 

Can you see how this kind of exchange would actually reinforce both John's and Gail's importance and elite standing?

Don't let self-limiting thinking (free registration required) dampen your success. Anytime you find yourself concerned that something you do or say has made or is going to make a bad impression on others, stop. Recognize that you've made an assumption. Examine it.  Maybe it's valid—but more likely, you'll find that it's both without merit and counterproductive.