Asking for Referrals: Overcoming 3 Fears

It’s an oft-repeated axiom that that the hardest part about completing a task is starting it. This is certainly true about asking for referrals, and often what gets in the way is plain old fear. Horsesmouth contributor and president of Referral Coach International, Bill Cates, has identified three common fears that keep advisors from asking for referrals and given solutions:

1. Fear of appearing pushy. Almost all advisors out there will tell you they don't want to appear pushy or hurt their relationships by asking for referrals (there are some "old-school" agents who haven't learned better yet). I certainly understand this concern. But here's the good news: To move through this fear, all you have to do is find a way to engage your clients in a referral conversation that is not pushy—and will not hurt a relationship.

Don't assume they are willing to talk referrals; your first move is to get their buy-in to the referral conversation. Confidently ask for permission to talk about introductions. Give clients the opportunity to say no. Don't back people into a corner. At all times, let them feel in control of the conversation.

2. Fear of begging. Many advisors don't want to look unsuccessful or needy with their clients, but all you have to do is find a way to engage your clients in a referral conversation that doesn't come from a needy place. Instead, come from a place of confidence, success, and value.

Stay away from the old style of making referrals be all about you: "I get paid in referrals." "I'm trying to build my business and I really need your help. Please! Please!" Make your referral conversation about the value clients have recognized in their work with you—and sharing it with others. Get in the habit of always checking in with your clients to make sure they see the value in your processes and in your relationship. (This is usually best done in person, but it can be done over the phone if part of a scheduled phone appointment.) Focus on the importance of the work that you do and bringing that important work to others.

3. Fear of hearing "No." Successful, confident, and even cocky advisors can turn into a bowl of Jell-O when they face the prospect of a client turning them down in their request for introductions to others. Many advisors can dial for dollars until the cows come home, yet they are afraid a client may not want to give them referrals.

How do you deal with this fear? Just get over it! First, you are only going to ask clients who have seen value in your work and like you. Second, assuming they find the previous point is true, if a client doesn't want to give you referrals, it has nothing to do with you. It's their fear. It's their baggage from past experience. Just practice the "Zen of referrals." Ask for referrals without being attached to whether your clients say yes. Focus on your actions, not the results of your actions. Control what you can control. You can't control whether a client wants to play the referral game with you, but you can control moving through your fear and asking.

If these fears hit close to home, make sure to read the full article, "Asking for Referrals: Overcoming 3 Fears," (free registration required) to gain additional insight into defeating them.